Everyone Grieves Differently Depending on the Circumstances

September 4, 2018

No matter how safe and secure our lives are, no matter how happy and enchanted our days may be, there comes a day, time, and a place when someone we know and love will pass away. Because of our different circumstances in life and our different personalities, we might not even have loved deeply. And one grieves.

There will come a day when someone who has had an impact on your life will pass away. It makes sense that everyone does grieve differently. The fact of the matter is there is no correct or incorrect way that one grieves. Nobody can say that if you don’t burst into tears, you are unfeeling. Sometimes the deepest grief is hidden. One grieves alone.

Everyone Grieves DifferentlyWhat is more important is how you cope with the grief; because there are healthy ways and not so healthy ways to grieve. Some people grieve and move on with their lives, but there are many who for some reason, cannot let go. They grieve or hold on to pent up feelings inside them that take years to heal, and sometimes never.

Different Grieves – Grief can Bring Changes

It is a very natural response to grieve, particularly if someone we cared for deeply has died. Grieving can be a very intense period if we are distraught at the loss. It is not only the death of a loved one that can cause grief. Divorce and relationships that have gone wrong, health or job losses, financial woes, miscarriages, retirements, lost dreams. Any of these can all bring out feelings of grief and remorse.

Depending on your type of personality, depending on your ways of coping through issues, etc. – these factors will determine how one grieves. Some people fall apart, while others might pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on. This does not mean they did not care and that the person who grieves more openly loved more. Not.

There are all types of people, and some will start to feel better in a week while some will take months. Some others might take years. Some people might even have changed personalities as a result of grief, such as becoming reclusive or bitter or becoming a different person to what people once knew them to be.

Crying is not the only way of grieving

Many people believe in the myth that if you don’t cry, it means you have a heart of stone, or you are not sad. That is totally untrue. Crying is certainly a normal and natural response to sad feelings, but it is not the only way to grieve, and it certainly cannot be measured against how much you loved anyone.

Years ago, in 1969, renowned psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross shared to the world what we have come to know as the ‘5 stages of grief’. From her studies around the feelings and emotions of her patients, she concluded that people go through 5 phases when they are grieving –

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

Contrary to what some people believe, it is not a fact you will necessarily go through all those stages if you are grieving. That is because each individual is different.

You can’t Put Grief Neatly into a Box

Kübler-Ross pointed out years later in 2004 before her death that the emotions and grief that each one of us experiences is not meant to be packed neatly into any of the five little packages. They are merely the type of responses to loss that people have experienced and still do. But she concluded that ‘our grieving is as individual as our lives.’ It all depends on the type of person you are.

 

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All info was correct at time of publishing